sweet surrender

“so what have you been experiencing since coming back from Mexico?"


"for the longest time i didn't want to accept the fact that i was back in Vancouver. my mind would constantly be on Mexico, on Sergio, Felicitada, baby Josue. i thought about the children constantly: as i ate, what food do they have today? as i slept, do they even have beds? i would have done anything to be back there.

gradually though, i had to come to terms with the fact that God brought me back to Canada for a reason, so i've been trying to figure out where i fit in His grand plan - why did He allow me to serve in Mexico and then return home? It wasn't that i was really changed in any way during those ten days. i think that the onus is on me now. God allowed me to see who i COULD be when i am free of all distractions and temptations, not necessarily physically, but when i didn't allow anything to cloud my one vision, and when i allowed Him to see me on my knees and completely transparent.

so to answer your question, i've definitely been more conscious about the decisions that i make, the words that i say, the things that i do. coming back, i knew that it would be a lot tougher serving those around me, due to the fact that they believed that all their problems could be solved by anything tangible. the house that we built was smaller than an average sized two-car garage. we would have thought nothing more of it than a shed - but i hope that i never forget Sergio and Felicitada's expressions because to them, it was everything.

that’s not to say that the ten days in mexico were dandy and comfortable and clean (my list of things that I had “lost” had grown considerably long even before we arrived). I think we all lost our rose-coloured lenses about 10 hours into the trip. However, my list of losses was soon thrown into the backseat and my (still-growing) list of gains took over. God proved Himself loving, faithful, and merciful, time and time again, and I think that that’s all there is to it.

to be honest, i've already struggled a lot with serving others upon returning but you can't let that stop you. you wake up each morning and see that you're still breathing, you'll have food on the table, a job to attend to, school to worry about, a family that loves and a family that you love. a God that is creator and sustainer of the universe and all that it holds. a Father who is omnipotent, omniscient, and eternal. the one who defines Love.

and you just gotta [at least try to] do what you gotta do. "

teach me about compassion. remind me of Your joy. guide me and fill me. Yours alone.

hasta luego, hermana.