lets see where this takes me.

i haven't blogged in a long time; a lot of things have happened, but at the same time it seems as though I could have erased the past few weeks altogether, and it would not have made a difference as to where i stand today.

actually that's just the optimist in me speak, because i have been slipping.
i guess thats why i haven't blogged, or haven't talked about my issues. because
a) i'm fine living in ignorance
b) i don't have the words to describe what i'm going through in ways that would fully explain

or maybe it's c) i've been running for so long that i've lost sight of the start/finish. i've taken on so many detours and distractions that i don't know where i'm going, don't remember where i come from.

mm lessons of late?
my words, my actions, my thoughts. they are all a reflection of my heart and where i stand. is my truth based on relativism? is it based upon other's standards? ... or even my own?

at church awhile back we had a guest speaker. and she was talking about the importance of character, and how everything you do stems from where your beliefs lie. at the end of the day, all these things go back to the question of 'who is in control of your life, who has complete sovereignty and authority' or perhaps in a more applicable sense. are you in control of your life? or is God?

i was talking to a friend the other day and she was talking about consciously making the decision each time, each day, to not be led in her walk by emotions. emotions waver, emotions change. they bring you up and bring you down. that takes a lot of strength. props.

the believer's freedom. how many times do the Corinthians retort "everything is permissible," only to have Paul throw it back in their faces: "Do not be mastered by anything.Not everything is beneficial. Not everything is constructive. " it's kind of funny cause i never really noticed that Paul was quoting the Corinthians so it kind of puts it all in a new context...to see them almost arguing, that they had the freedom to do as they pleased.

teachings from this weekend on Ruth - You too, can become your own worst enemy..just look at Naiomi in chapter 1. and it all started with her moving from Bethleham to Moab. They picked up everything, and decided for themselves that they would leave God's land, they didn't want His blessings, and decided to bless themselves by walking away. that was only the first of many subsequent step... and that's all it took.

self-control is something that i know i need to work on; not only in the outward actions and expressions, but more importantly the things inside. the heart is so easily swayed. the things that tear you up inside one day ... you disregard and continue doing the next.it's so simple, especially with the little things. it all starts with those.

im thankful You dont change.


..."So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved" 1 cor 10:31-33

im sorry for bringing youguys/You down.
...i... want to want to work on it. pray for me friends. i need to want it first.

mm this blog took me on a wild ride. heh i guess this is the platform of vulnerability....
im told i dont share enough - this is partly why. thanks for listening.