friend; [frend] - noun

1.	a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.	a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3.	a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4.	a member of the same nation, party, etc.

-dictionary.com



"she's my best friend because she gives me candy when i don't have any. oh and we play 4-square together at recess"

back in the day, being someone's friend was so easy. relationships were simple. i don't know how or why, or where in these last two years that i lost sight of that. maybe this is merely the result of a very strained and tired mind at 3am, but bear with me.

it's weird how it's never really struck me until now.
maybe it is the result of perhaps investing too much into the bubble, and not much into the whole rest of the world, but i think i've forgotten how to be a friend; at the very least, i don't think i understand what the word 'friend' really entails anymore.

friendships now are different. maybe it's because indeed, we have matured and the things that used to satisfy us don't have the same effect, but why are things so serious all the time now? is it really a direct result of being in the bubble?

i can give candy (well, now that we're more 'mature', tis more like making someone dinner),i can play games, i can be that listening ear at 3am, i can joke,i can laugh... but it doesn't feel the same. it's almost as if you're my friend for the sole reason that i care about you, i love you, i'm called to love you, i've been blessed with the opportunity to get to know you.

but i feel like i don't know anything about you.
what's your favourite colour?
favourite band?
what are your parents like?
what are your phobias?

the saying goes 'you have to be able to play with someone before you can pray with them'
but why have we stopped 'playing'? - not in the literal sense, but why have we stopped enjoying learning each other's quirks and mannerisms. why don't we do stupid things like taking as many busses as we can in a day and end up in the middle of nowhere. why don't we just sit and eat crackers and cheese for the sake of just eating crackers and cheese, and not as a filler for our uber serious conversation about Serious topics.

why can't we talk on the phone for 6 hours straight anymore
why can't we have each other spend the night and just watch movies and stuff our faces
why does it seem as though every action has a waaaaaaaay deeper underlying message or intent

why can't we just loosen up. why can't we just hang out.

we've (i've) forgotten how to play.
can't i love you, care for you, and have the simple friendship of the way-back-when...?

im so incredibly thankful for these relationships. i really truly am. and maybe i'm being really stupid in saying this, but it'd be nice to have someone ask my favourite colour again, as opposed to always 'what can i do for you. how can i pray for you, how are you REALLY.'

+i am guilty of this myself. hence the 'i dont know what friendship entails/how to be a friend'
ick. what a truckload of thoughts.

*the terms 'we' and 'you' are not termed towards any individual(s) in particular.


heh. i think this may go against everything i just said (i'm confused. yes). but ..
how can i be a better friend for you.